Who decided that pigs are for eating but rats get a free ride? I’d play the lottery if they let me pick the balls. Television hasn’t been good…

I turn all kinds of things into pies. Who hasn’t lived in a cave at one point or another? That’s what they’re for. You say diabetes, I say…

Winning is everything when it comes to Russian Roulette. I tore my rotator cuff. I always hated that thing. Screw parasailing, man. Make the handicapped sail like the…

Boxers or thiefs? Who wants to know? This might not be “Peacie,” but I think we should segregate the ghost population from the living. Thoughts? I’d chew ice…

Where’s Thousand Island? I’ve got some vacation time saved up and it sounds like a delicious place to visit. Root beer floats. It does. I’ve tested it. There’s…

The worst part about Raisin Bran is the bran. Hands down. I saw a man fishing bottles out of a garbage can yesterday and it reminded me of…

Hey-o, everyone out there in SyberWorld. It’s old Creed Bratton coming at your again, here from my perch as a Quality Assurance Manager at Dunder Mifflin paper. Just…