This has been some crazy week. On Saturday, I went over to the mini-mart to pick up a bunch of breakfast burritos and some rolling papers. Couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw all the stuff they sell there now. Disposable cameras, fancy lighters, portable phones. You name it, they had it. I thought I had jumped into the future or something, which was weird because I usually think I’m back in the past. As a joke, I asked the skinny dude behind the counter how much he wanted for the portable phone, thinking he’d say two, three hundred bucks. When he said twenty bucks, I just about dropped a bomb in my skivvies. I bought one immediately. Best purchase I ever made in my life because now I don’t have to stand guard outside my phone booth at the bus station waiting for calls. If someone needs to find me, they can just call my portable and, if I feel like it, I’ll pick up. Technology, man. It blows my mind.
Hey – you know that rumor about if you feed antacid to birds, their stomachs blow up? Is that true? No reason, just is it true or not? No biggie if you don’t know, and there’s no particular reason why I’m asking the question, but I would like to know soon, not for any real reason, but I would like to know, so let me know, if you know, so if it’s true I can start making bird bombs.
Football started back up and I’ve got to say, I’m disappointed. It just hasn’t been the same since they switched over from the leather helmets. It’s too easy now. That’s why I’ve always preferred street fighting. No stupid referees, no lame rules, and you’re guaranteed to see some blood. That’s my kind of sport.
Don’t try telling me that you’re only as strong as your weakest link. My weakest link is my ankle and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let it stop me. I’m as strong as my neck, the strongest part of my body.
Man do I miss the days of fondue. I don’t know who decided that fondue wasn’t hip anymore, but I want to take that guy behind a dumpster and teach him a lesson with a fondue pot. If I ever go the chance, I’d take a bath in a giant fondue pot. No lie.
Special Note: To Osama Bin Laden: Watch out for my bird bombs, sucker. You better duck every time an eagle flies by.