May 8, 2008

There was a big blow-up at work last week between the boss man and the black guy. Lots of fireworks. I think the boss man broke out his brass knuckles because I saw a lot of blood on the carpet the next day. Blood on the carpet means trouble – that’s a rule I live by. I don’t like fights at work, because it’s too many parts of my life coming together in one place. I prefer to keep fighting outside of work and my work out of fights. This fight turned out pretty well for me, though, because everyone else got sent home so they could have a private cage match.

The first thing I did when we got sent home was head straight over to the mall for some orange chicken at the Lotus place. That stuff is dynamite. I could eat a shopping cart full of it. Sadly, they don’t sell it by the shopping cart, no matter how often I ask them to, so I settled for a combo meal. There were a few high school kids in the food court, so I tried to drum up some new customers for my novelty identification and lamination business. They weren’t interested. Apparently there’s some punk over at Scranton Prep who does a really good Delaware now. Even better than my Georgia. I’m going to track that kid down and have a “talk” with him. When it comes to novelty identification and lamination, I need to be the only game in town.

After the mall, I was pretty riled up, so I headed over to that “Just Paint It” place where you can paint your own pottery. That place is like a zen garden to me. I just sit down, grab a small ceramic elephant and go to town. I can zone out for two, three hours painting that thing. The best part about it is that when I’m done, I get to take it with me. You’d be surprised how much you can get for an orange and green elephant when you tell people it’s imported from Indonesia.

I spent the rest of the night over at the grocery store sampling the candy in the bulk bins. They didn’t even hassle me about it. Not that I really keep track, but that may have been my best day ever.