June 12, 2008

When something’s both good and bad, people say it’s “a double-edged sword.” I think that’s ridiculous. A double-edged sword is always a good thing. You can do twice the damage with it.

I believe the children are our future. Specifically Chinese children.

Gambling for money is fun, but gambling for livestock is so much better. If you end up winning, you get the satisfaction of victory and a ride home.

I like to tell time using the sun. If it’s sunny, then it’s time for work. If it’s dark, then it’s time to make money.

Globes are great for hiding stuff. Nobody ever bothers to look inside a globe, and if they do, they’re probably really weak anyway, so you can just beat them up and run away.

Never talk to men with red hair. They live by different rules than you or I. There’s a reason all the famous clowns have red hair and it’s not because red is a friendly hair color.

I’ve been running a lot lately and I’m getting into really good shape. Of course, it really helps that I’m carrying a lot of loot while I run.

When I’m in a new situation, I tell everyone it’s my birthday. People really treat you better when they think it’s your birthday, whether they know you or not.

I hate waiting. It drives me nutso. If I’m at a drive-thru window and it’s taking too long to get my food, I’ll just get out of my car and go for a walk for half an hour. When I get back, I’m much calmer and the fast food joint gets an important message about wasting people’s time.

I carry a salt shaker in my pocket because you never know when you’ll need to teach a slug a lesson.


Reminder: Michael’s safe combo: 86-7-53-09