I know I told you that I don’t vote, but it looked like it might be a good place to meet some foxes so I decided to vote on Tuesday. Seven times. Twice in New Jersey, once in New York, and four times in Connecticut. That’s the beauty of being able to make your own driver’s licenses. That machine really opens a lot of doors for me, politically and otherwise. I didn’t meet any broads but I did find a really great burger over in Newark. It made the whole trip worth it.
I say a lot of things that may turn out to be a little inaccurate sometimes. It’s called being a person. A lot of people in my life try to trip me up and say “But Creed you said the exactly opposite thing last week.” Oh yeah? Well, maybe I did and maybe I didn’t, hotshot. Maybe you don’t hear things well. Maybe I just changed my mind. Who are you to tell me I’m a liar? You’re the liar! You’re the stupid liar, Liar! Don’t you look at me like that. Don’t you dare. I will take your eyes and turn them into eyeball stew. You hear me?
Sorry. I get emotional sometimes. It’s just a part of who I am. I’m a bird of many colors, like a toucan or something. You know what else is a part of who I am? GERD. That’s right. Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease. It’s a serious problem in the world today. You might know it as acid reflux. I know it as the painful heartburn I experience almost every damn day. I hate it so much. When it happens, I want to rip out my throat. I talked to a doctor friend I know and he told me it’ll go away if I stop eating spicy foods, tomatoes, and chocolate. Then he said I had to stop drinking coffee. I just about gut-punched him for saying that. If I took out coffee, tomatoes, spicy foods, and chocolate, I’d be starving every day. The good news is I don’t have to take his advice because he’s not really a doctor, he just knows a doctor. I guess that makes him a doctor’s friend friend, not a doctor friend.